omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
