i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
