Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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