Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
