Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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