This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
