shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
