: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
