How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
