So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
