I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
