life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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