His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
