I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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