Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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