Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
