I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
