Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
