You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
