mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
