i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
