I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
