You work out of a Hotel?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
