Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
