I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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