He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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