Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he puts the penis in happiness.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
