the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
