she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
