He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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