the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
