Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
