the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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