Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
