mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
