so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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