some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
