im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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