New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it penis luge time yet?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
