mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
