trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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