Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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