please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
