im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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