I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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