you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
