Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
