Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
