Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
