I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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