I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
